An Eulogy To A Lost Friend...

Recently, we lost a good friend to the dark side. The following is a touching eulogy written by another friend, who is still struggling with the rest of us on the path of the light.

My Brothers,

Just recently, on the first of November, we lost a friend and colleague. The Rager succumbed to the dark side after an intense struggle lasting only six months. He was twenty-six years old.

I trust that all of you are aware that he forewent a promising career in the United Kingdom and his pastime of freestyle rock climbing in a grand gesture of patriotism and idealism, returning to his motherland so that he could cultivate the next generation of technical people.

The Rager showed extraordinary focus when he rejected favors from several large multinationals to join instead, our company. This is something all of us feel a great sense of gratitude towards, for following his tumultuous arrival he was instrumental in growing some legs for our department, without which, we surely would have outsourced the design of FPGAs.

He was a pillar, nay, a bastion of technical knowledge in these troubled times, a shining LED in the darkness of the FPGA world. It was no mystery that he rose to the exalted position of God and gained the respectful worship of many peers.

But of course, being a man of many talents, he is not only remembered for his technical prowess, but also for his colourful antics that have brightened many a working day. One cannot deny that The Rager was a man full of zest and life.

His lunch buddies will no doubt take with them vivid memories of wild but honest rages on the asphalt: The destruction of the pink car, the frequent visits to the knocker's yard, his incessant raving about Michelin tires and the various aggressive confrontations with the arrogant traffickers. He certainly understood, that feeling of heart in the mouth and sweaty palms, telling us that we are alive.

His sexual preferences, while not common, show a startling predilection for variety. From his hip shaking body swaying performances on the public stage, his wicked references to the sodomy of men, masturbating to the voice of male colleagues, to his penchant for soft, flowery white skirts and skinny women, and the activity of cock sucking... he was someone who enjoyed life to the fullest.

Male colleagues who have spent time with him will fondly remember his smelling of powder at night, and of his playfulness in the washrooms.

But most importantly, he was one of the brotherhood, that secret covenant of wise and powerful men who fought daily to stamp out the corruption and depravity that threaten the fabric of the universe.

In this, he was a stalwart defender of the Truth, a vocal member of the drive against cronyism and idiocy. Everyone here will surely attest to his hatred of the common ignorance of metastability and XOR gates, and his constant swearing even in meetings where his reporting superiors are present. The open, no-holds barred, to-hell–with-the-management mentality was one of his key signatures, and certainly one of his most memorable ones. His passionate and unwavering drive still serves today as an exemplary model of the dedicated brotherhood member.

While his passing has left a gaping hole in our ranks, we shall always remember and honour him by finishing the crusade he started. As a final parting salute, allow me to shout his favourite battle cry, the one that sends shivers down the spines of every idiot, ass kisser, lying bastard and SOB:

TIU!!!

The Rager, we will miss you.